Divine intervention...??

Well here's another one. That too in the space of a few hours. I hope the past month of inactivity proves to be the calm before the storm.

There is a church very near our college that I had never seen before. I decided to visit it today. It was very beautiful with its twin spires very beautifully adorned with various sculptures. I sometimes wonder that these days as I walk past such beautiful monuments bulidings they no longer strike the awe , excite the child like delight that it used to . Will be missing these sights once I get back home, with nothing remanining but cherished memories and pictures to serve as testaments.
Anyway I'll talk a bit more about myself in this post so please don't say at the end of it that you weren't pre warned. I entered the church and as I was just walking around , my mind half registering the beauty that I was beholding and half of it lay absent minded elsewhere I was struck by a thought. As you would have been able to make out from my previous post I was in certain amount of angst and confusion. What I am going to write now is actually quite personal but well what the hell.

I realized that the root of the problem that was bothering was the fact that I was not very comfortable with myself. I had accepted myself but was not happy about the state of affairs. The reason for this has a lot to do with my past history which I'll skip. So maybe this goal I was chasing was so important for me because if attained it would help me be different and so more comfortable and thus more happy. But thats not the way it works does it. Would I be more happy because I would be more acceptable to myself. But happiness stems from being contented with what you are and not what you have/achieved/won over. This thought also helped me analyse my past behaviour quite a bit and find the subconscious reason behind my doing so many things.

I don't know if it was finally this realization or whether it was the silence of the church that enveloped me but I felt a strange calm within me. So how does one derive the courage to be oneself ,that too at times when doing what you want to would lead to ridicule,censure or is in simple words equivalent to choosing the more difficult path. I would say that one needs to be very open not just with himself but also with the world around him/her about the way he/she is. That may lead to raised eyebrows,lead to mock laughter but in the end its the best thing to do.

Finally coming to the topic of my post. Where did this idea come from. There was certainly no logical link or rational way of explaining its origins. So maybe it was instinct or rather I would like to term it as "quality" (for those who are perplexed it comes from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance") or maybe it was divine intervention. It could be either.But sometimes we have such high expectations from the Almighty that we fail to perceive the little things He sends our way.