A bit confused...
Why the long absence from writing ? Specially when it is something that gives me so much pleasure to do, which I must confess very few things gives me these day. Have I been in the search of something so intensely that I have forgotten to live my own life. Unable to derive the little pleasures out of things that I used to . Sometimes I wonder why I could not be in a more carefree state especially since I am in Paris and well I don't see myself coming back here every year. And more importantly is there a real reason for my preoccupied state or has it been coloured by my own compulsion driven imagination.
I don't have answers to any of these questions but I do realize now that is better to live rather than put your life on hold. But what about hope then and is it really possible to "live" with the absence of hope. Do the two have to be exclusive or can they coexist. Somethings in life are worth pursuing but what happens when you are in pursuit, don't you become single minded , adorn an attitude which suggests that you are not too be bothered by other seemingly petty things. However what happens if it turns out to be a mirage. Its worth pursuing anyway isn't it. But the question I want to pose is ,is it possible to keep a balanced approach while you are consumed by the end you want to achieve. Ofcourse the irony is that the best things in life will never come within your reach no matter how much effort you put in. A lot will depend on ...shall I just describe the millions of other things that need to conspire ,as luck for the sake of brevity.
So what does one do. I guess the best answer that most of you will be thinking of is well follow your instinct. But it is often difficult to recognize your instinct specially when you are tearing yourself to pieces deciding which is the bettre recourse : the devil or the deep sea. I can keep on rambling but do need to make a confession . Writing this , trying to put in words what was going on within me was very releiving, not because its a means of talking about it (which I have already done with a few people) but because its was also a way of expressing myself. Or maybe I just missed writing.
I don't have answers to any of these questions but I do realize now that is better to live rather than put your life on hold. But what about hope then and is it really possible to "live" with the absence of hope. Do the two have to be exclusive or can they coexist. Somethings in life are worth pursuing but what happens when you are in pursuit, don't you become single minded , adorn an attitude which suggests that you are not too be bothered by other seemingly petty things. However what happens if it turns out to be a mirage. Its worth pursuing anyway isn't it. But the question I want to pose is ,is it possible to keep a balanced approach while you are consumed by the end you want to achieve. Ofcourse the irony is that the best things in life will never come within your reach no matter how much effort you put in. A lot will depend on ...shall I just describe the millions of other things that need to conspire ,as luck for the sake of brevity.
So what does one do. I guess the best answer that most of you will be thinking of is well follow your instinct. But it is often difficult to recognize your instinct specially when you are tearing yourself to pieces deciding which is the bettre recourse : the devil or the deep sea. I can keep on rambling but do need to make a confession . Writing this , trying to put in words what was going on within me was very releiving, not because its a means of talking about it (which I have already done with a few people) but because its was also a way of expressing myself. Or maybe I just missed writing.
posted by shantanu | 6:26 PM
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